Pete Fey

How To Eat an Apple

“I’ll Fly Away”

 


 

How To Eat an Apple

 
the trick is to get one of those big ones
one of those $3.29 per pound ones
that’re real red
and real round
a lunchbox apple is not an apple
a lunchbox apple is part of a sandwich
you don’t want a sandwich
the trick is pay cash
for the apple, preferably
change, quarters, Sacagawea dollars fished
out of your pockets
the trick is to buy nothing else
the trick is to not put it in a bag — “I’m gonna
eat it on the walk” you can even
take your first bite in the store
the first bite is for exploration
the first bite works
your gums if
you haven’t been flossing
you’ll leave blood on the apple
that’s okay
the trick is you can’t drive away
the trick is to walk home
or to work
or to school
or, best, to no place at all
no agenda
just apple-eating
just don’t eat it too fast
carry that thing
like a club
people pay attention
to people with clubs
or apples
the trick is that it’s not Mountain Dew
the trick is that you’re not looking them in the eye
but they don’t know
that you’re not looking
because you’re taking big crunches
like this is my apple
you don’t have an apple
like me
 
 
 
 


 

“I’ll Fly Away”

 
One time this kid Matt said I was bad at asking for blow jobs
I grew up in a house filled with scientists
We had industrial notebooks; expressed emotions in sabermetrics and post-advanced
             batting averages
In my room there were always three men
The lights were off; a bottle of warm milk on the nightstand
Anyways, what happened was I said Matt I’m not asking but I’d still go to McDonald’s
We went and he mooned the drive-thru worker
Later in my room he texted me if I was sure, that it was better than masturbating
I looked at my Dad mowing the lawn in his labcoat
Only birds like scientists
 
 
 
 


PETE FEY is a writer who lives in Omaha, Nebraska, where he works for the local public school district and publishes a zine called ProComm Sports, which you can find on Twitter and in various Little Free Libraries.


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